Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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