and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
