I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
