I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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