LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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