i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
