somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
