Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
