Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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