so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
