If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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