too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
