I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
