Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
