I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
