What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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