He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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