just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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