Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
