I skipped work to stalk him.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
