Just fell off a train. Bad.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
