If i come over, it means nothing
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
