so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize