I'm drive I can fine osifer
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Randomize
