How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
