I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
