Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
