Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize