His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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