loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
