I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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