now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
