I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize