they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
