i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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