I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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