So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
