Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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