ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize