I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize