My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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