No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
