hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
time to smoke my breakfast
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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