Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
