last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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