so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
