Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
