planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize