I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
