just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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