I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize