Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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