her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
