$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
