I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
