And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
