Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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