I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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