I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
not ubering you a puppy
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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