By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
