know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
