Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Need sex. Gaining weight.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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