Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He passed out mid-signature
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
