she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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