I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
