oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
