which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
