I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
