gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
