Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
