he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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