I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
