I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Couch. On fire.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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